Introduction
Basic information
- Developer Name: Ashnell
- Full Name: Grandpa High on Retro
- Release Date: 2025
- Released on: PC
- Cross Play: No
Initial thoughts
I first saw Grandpa High on Retro on Facebook, and the title intrigued me enough to reach out to the developer for a key. I was expecting a fun, retro-inspired experience—maybe something with old-school platforming mechanics, pixel art, and humor that doesn’t take itself too seriously. What I got instead was a frustrating, cringe-filled game with broken mechanics and a reliance on over-the-top sex jokes that felt more awkward than entertaining.
Story and setting
Plot overview
The story is a mess. It follows a grandpa who’s somehow high on retro and wants to get laid, and that’s about all the explanation you get. The humor is juvenile at best and unbearable at worst, with way too many crude jokes that seem to have been written by someone who thinks repeating the same sex joke five times in a row makes it funnier.
World building and immersion
The game doesn’t do much to create an immersive world. Levels feel randomly stitched together, lacking any real cohesion or logic. Instead of feeling like a retro-inspired adventure, it comes off as a poorly executed parody that doesn’t understand what made old-school games charming in the first place.
Character development
There’s none. The grandpa character is just a walking excuse to make bad jokes. There’s no depth, no arc—just one long, embarrassing gag.
Emotional impact
The only emotions this game made me feel were second-hand embarrassment and frustration.
Rating for story and setting
I have visited multiple aspects of the story and after some thought and objective thinking, I rated the story and setting with a 3.5
Gameplay and mechanics
Core gameplay mechanics
The game plays like a clunky platformer with guns that wants to be nostalgic but completely misses the mark. Movement is stiff, hit detection is inconsistent, and the level design is bland and uninspired.
Difficulty and balance
It’s hard to say if the game is intentionally difficult or just poorly designed. Some sections feel unfair, not because of any real challenge, but because of bad controls and awkward enemy placement. Furthermore, the enemies act frantic when spotted.
Pacing of the game
The pacing is all over the place. Some levels drag on, while others feel like they were rushed with no real thought put into them. There’s no satisfying flow to the gameplay.
Innovation and uniqueness
There’s nothing innovative here. The game tries to be a retro throwback, but it lacks the charm, polish, and clever design of the classics it attempts to imitate.
Controls and user interface
The controls are a nightmare. The game barely functions with a controller, forcing you to use a keyboard for a better experience—which is ironic for a game that claims to be inspired by retro console gaming. The UI is basic, and menus feel clunky.
Microtransactions
Thankfully, there aren’t any, but that doesn’t save the game from its other glaring issues.
Rating
After combing through many of the mechanics, the pacing and other factors of this game, I rated the gameplay and mechanics with an 4
Graphics and art style
Quality of graphics and art direction
The graphics aren’t retro good—they’re just bad. Retro art can be beautiful when done right, but here, it looks like placeholder assets that never got updated. Environments feel dull, animations are stiff, and character sprites lack detail.
Technical performances
There are slow loading screens, which is unacceptable for a game that isn’t doing anything particularly advanced.
Environment and design uniqueness
Levels are uninspired, with little variety. There’s no standout aesthetic—just generic pixel-art backgrounds that look like they were thrown together with little thought.
Rating
It took me some time to give the graphics and art style an objective rating. There are many things to consider, but ultimately, I rated this section with a 4.0
Sound and music
Music score and how it contributed to the game
Forgettable. I couldn’t hum a single tune from this game even if I tried.
Sound effects quality
Basic at best, annoying at worst. Some sounds don’t even match the on-screen actions properly.
Voice Acting
The voice acting is atrocious. It’s loud, screechy, and grating to the ears. Instead of adding personality, it makes the game even harder to sit through.
Rating
After a lot of consideration, I rated the sound and music section with a 3
Replayability
Game Length and content volume
It’s not very long, but it feels long because of how much of a slog it is to play.
Extra Content
There doesn’t seem to be any real incentive to replay the game unless you enjoy torturing yourself.
Replay value
Practically none. There are no meaningful collectibles, alternate paths, or anything that would make a second playthrough worthwhile.
Rating
After thoughtful consideration, I decided to rate the replayability and game length of Grandpa High on Retro with a 3.5
Suggestions and comparisons
Suggestions and feedback
- Improve controller support—it’s unacceptable for a retro-inspired game to function so poorly with a controller.
- Rewrite the script with actual humor, not just sex jokes and crude one-liners.
- Fix hit detection and movement responsiveness.
- Overhaul the level design to make it actually engaging.
Comparisons
- If this game was aiming for Shovel Knight or Celeste levels of retro platforming, it failed completely.
- If it was aiming for humor like Goat Simulator or Undertale, it missed the mark by a mile.
- If it was aiming for Doom or Duke Nukem, it should have had a better user interface, and another perspective.
Personal experiences and anecdotes
I literally cringed multiple times at the bad jokes. It felt like every line of dialogue was written by someone who just discovered the concept of innuendos and decided to throw them everywhere. I would have much rather had a real plot than one that seemed to be created by a horny teenager. At no point did I feel invested in what was happening—I was just trying to get through the levels as quickly as possible.
Rating
Taking in all the personal experiences with Grandpa High on a Retro, I give it a personal rating of 1.5.
Last words
Pros
- The game exists
- No microtransactions
- It ends eventually
Cons
- Cringe-worthy writing full of sex jokes
- Janky, unresponsive controls—controller barely works
- Boring, uninspired level design
- Graphics don’t even reach "good retro" quality
- Slow loading screens for no reason
- Repetitive and poorly designed gameplay
- Terrible voice acting that makes scenes unbearable
- Music is forgettable at best
- No real reason to replay it
Grandpa High on Retro is a game that tries to be funny and nostalgic but fails at both. It’s a mess of crude jokes, clunky mechanics, and uninspired level design. If you’re looking for a fun retro-style game, play literally anything else.
FINALÂ RATING
4
Please let me know what you think of Grandpa High on Retro in the comments!
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From your review it looks like it is even worse then i though but.. are you sure it was ever said this game in inspired by retro CONSOLES? I think it is about PC, so you should try it too on keyboard instead controller. Well textures arent maybe great but they do feel retro. For the rest i will have to see video 🙂
Yeah… Agreed. That was a weird one. I’ll add one pro: wasn’t *that* hard to find for the Screenshot of the Week!
Aside from that… Yeah I dunno, even just the Steam page was weird to look at. Not my type of humor. Surely some people would like it, though.
The fact that you made us all guess this game from a screenshot… so evil.
Oh no. The store page looked so dumb when I found it for the screenshot of the week that I thought it would be a cringe worthy game that I’d play. Welp, guess it’s off the wishlist.
I don’t know why but for some reason I actualy want to try this game out now. Since it has no replay value it will be a one shot deal but may be good for maybe a laugh.